On Marriage and Family Life

In a series of sermons, St. John Chrysostom covers a variety of topics relating to marriage and family life within the context of the church. He instructs wives on why and how they should submit to their husbands as Paul instructs in his letter to the Ephesians. Interestingly though, he spends much more time on the role of the husband and how he ought to love his wife in the majority of his sermons. He repeatedly makes reference to how Christ loved and died for the Church despite seeming unlovable as the model for how husbands should love and treat their wives. Also, he speaks about the importance of raising children to pursue godliness. Finally, he gives instructions to unmarried people about how they ought to conduct themselves and what they should look for in their future spouses.

While reading, I noticed a thought that had been previously expressed in Plato’s Socratic dialogues, the idea that one ought to desire a beautiful soul rather than a beautiful body in the beloved. “Praise, hatred, and even love based on outward beauty come from impure souls. Seek beauty of soul,” says St. John Chrysostom (48). In today’s image-driven culture, it seems necessary to be beautiful if one wants to be loved. Girls and guys, though not as much, develop all kinds of disorders and pain in order to shape their bodies into what is deemed beautiful. In contrast, St. John Chrysostom and Socrates say that the outward appearance of a person should not be the ultimate criterion for a life-long companion. That is a sign of a soul that still needs growing. St. John Chrysostom goes on to say:

“The beauty of the body, if it is not joined with virtue of the soul, will be able to hold a husband for twenty or thirty days, but will go no farther before it shows its wickedness and destroys all its attractiveness. As for those who radiate the beauty of the soul, the longer time goes by and tests their proper nobility, the warmer they make their husband’s love and the more they strengthen their affection for him.” (100)

He acknowledges that physical beauty does attract and can even lead to marriage. That beauty though will not be able to cover for long the wickedness that lies beneath. However, if one finds a beautiful soul to love, that love will not only last but grow and beautify the one with the beautiful soul. Nothing can replace the resplendence of a beautiful soul in love.